Talking Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a fairly complex topic in Scripture. In truth, forgiveness is often wrongly taught and improperly applied. That false teaching or poor application leads us into some terribly difficult emotional situations.

 

To forgive someone is to release them of a debt they owe to you. In emotional life, it is to let go of the emotional debt that someone owes you for wronging you in some way. Forgiveness is a release accompanied by a restoration of sorts.

 

The problem is that many people apply this concept in very dangerous, foolish, or unbiblical ways. People see the commands of Jesus  that we forgive as the Lord has forgiven us, but then we actually apply a supposed forgiveness that has absolutely no genuine resemblance to the forgiveness that Christ granted us.

 

This topic is big, and is worthy of an entire book. In fact, one of the most helpful Christian books I have read is the book Unpacking Forgiveness by Chris Brauns. And one of the beautifully biblical lessons that Brauns shows us is that the way that God forgave us is not and has never been unconditional.

 

What do I mean? Imagine that you are dreadfully wronged in a serious way. Someone commits an actual crime against you. You paint the picture for yourself. What is required of you, as a follower of God, as concerns the command to forgive? Must you immediately and unconditionally grant forgiveness? Are you not allowed to press charges or testify in court? What is the biblical teaching?

 

If you are given to much modern handling of this topic, you probably have heard someone say that you must immediately, unconditionally forgive. I have heard people give counsel to Christians that they should walk up to the criminal who hurt them and, without preamble, declare to the unrepentant wrongdoer, “I just want you to know that I forgive you.” But this is terribly unbiblical.

 

Why would I call this unbiblical? That is not how God forgave any of us. The Lord did not forgive any who are genuine Christians today apart from the two-sided coin of faith and repentance. When we try to help people toward salvation, we always tell them that they must believe the truth of Jesus’ life, death, resurrection, and offer of grace. We also call on them to turn from self-rule, confess their sin to God, ask Christ for mercy, and commit themselves to his lordship. This is how we are forgiven, and it is not unconditional.

 

You see, the problem with the word unconditional is that it applies to our Christian lives in a particular way. God offers forgiveness to all who will come to Christ without condition. Anyone who believes in Jesus and repents is saved. This salvation is not based on any sort of prerequisite spiritual activity, religious dues being paid, or social status being met, thus it is unconditional in that way. But the Lord does not forgive unconditionally if you are considering that word to mean that forgiveness is applied to a person regardless of whether or not we trust in Christ and turn from sin. We are saved by grace alone through a repenting faith alone. But we are not saved if we do not believe in Jesus or in any way repent.

 

Look at one text that is often used to suggest that we just forgive others regardless of their thoughts or actions. But see how it actually teaches the opposite.

 

Luke 17:3-4 – 3 Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, 4 and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”

 

Notice that Jesus does command forgiveness. But what else does he require? We forgive when our brother says, “I repent.” That includes a lot of data. That is a person owning their sin, agreeing it is wrong, and committing to turn from it. Now, Jesus is illustrating in the extreme—7 times in a day. But Jesus is making the point that we offer forgiveness to any repentant brother without limit.

 

What is unconditional about forgiveness is the offer of forgiveness. We should be willing, as Christians, to say without qualification, “If you will repent of this sin, I will eagerly and willingly forgive you.” When a person comes to us, says they were wrong, and asks for forgiveness, we should be quick to forgive rather than to desire to apply more pressure or exact further suffering from them.

 

Go back to the imagined crime committed against you from the earlier illustration. Please note that I am not saying that forgiveness will restore your relationship with the criminal to exactly where it was before. But forgiveness means that, as far as you are concerned, you will release them from the emotional debt that they owe to you for wronging you. It could be that what they have done has made it so that you two  cannot wisely relate to each other in the same way that you did in the past. But, for your part, you will not hold onto anger against them, you will not try to hurt them back for how they hurt you , and you will not use this situation against them in the future. Interestingly, this may not have any bearing whatsoever on whether or not, in a criminal situation, that you testify in court and see them sent to jail. But you will not hate or try to hurt them in the process. If the crime was monetary, forgiveness does not mean you have to give them access to your checking account. What it means is that you do not hold yourself  as superior to them or pretend they must pay a further emotional penance to you.

 

This all gets complicated, and so many questions arise. But we would be wise to at least stop using the term unconditional as it applies to Christian forgiveness. Instead, let us try to be biblical. Christ is the source of how God forgives us. He sought to forgive us. He bore the penalty himself for our sin against God. He called us to himself. But forgiveness was not transacted apart from faith and repentance. And even though God is the one who gave us the heart and ability to repent, he did not forgive unconditionally.