Two Thoughts on Wise Communicatione we hit Proverbs 10, we run into that cool section of the book where most of the verses are two related lines. Very often, the lines are antithetical parallels, they offer opposites that are related. These are helpful for us to show us the difference between right and wrong.
As I was looking at Proverbs 10, two verses stood out to me. Both of them relate to how we communicate. Both of them reminded me of specific people I have known. And both of them are a challenge for any of us to be wiser as we speak.
Proverbs 10:8 –
The wise of heart will receive commandments,
but a babbling fool will come to ruin.
This verse compares the wise to a fool. And the contrast in the verse is how each listens, really listens, when others are speaking. One major flaw that we want to avoid in communication is being the person who, as others speak, does not attend to them enough to actually understand what they are saying. Perhaps we are thinking about what we want to say next. Perhaps we are simply focusing on other things. But it is a huge mistake to let your life become marked by being a person who does not listen.
And, yes, I have a couple of people I know in mind here. [And, no, I will not name them for you.] The people I am thinking of are good people, sweet people, people you want in your church or circle of friends. But the most frustrating thing about talking to these folks, I have noticed, is that it is easy to tell that they are just not listening, not really. They will nod or give you a “uh huh” in the conversation, but they are not taking in the content of what you say. So, at the end, when the conversation is over, you feel like you have just talked to yourself and they have missed whatever it is that you wanted to tell them.
Let me simply suggest, Christians, don’t be like that. Check yourself. Look to see if you are a listener, or if you wander when you are being spoken to. Are you the kind of person, when a conversation is not focused on you, looks for a way to change that? Be real here. Do you actually not value other people and their thoughts? Wise people receive commandments, they listen. Babbling fools, those who can’t stop themselves from talking, come to ruin.
Proverbs 10:12
Hatred stirs up strife,
but love covers all offenses.
Now we see the difference between being loving and hateful, at least one difference. Hateful people stir strife. Loving people cover offenses.
We have to be careful with this one. Solomon is not here telling us to let big, dangerous problems go. He is not suggesting we turn a blind eye to sin. But, if you are honest, I doubt you thought that was behind this verse to begin with.
A little common sense here would tell you that this verse is again about communication and relationship issues. This time, it is the difference between a person who takes a small conflict and blows it up and a person who is gracious and lets it go.
Again, I know people here. I know people who simply cannot look at others with grace. If they offend others, these people expect the benefit of the doubt—“Obviously I didn’t mean it that way; you should know that.” At the same time, these people cannot look at others with that same favor. They must take everything as a deep, personal insult. Every time they are slighted, every time something is said in a way they do not like, they bristle and have to bring it out.
It is wise and loving to give others the benefit of the doubt in the area of personal offense. It is wise, very wise, to let small offenses go, to cover them up, and to not make them bigger by stirring up strife. In the end, building conflict when it is over small, personal issues or personality conflicts is damaging to friendship, to families, and to churches. Wise and loving people will develop the character and class to learn to just let certain things, small things, go.
And let me say, as an honest confession, that I know I have been the wrong person in both of these issues. I can think of times when I have been in conversations and then looked back, remembered how they went, and know that I interrupted others while speaking, I focused on my own agenda, and I simply did not listen. And there are times when I have taken a small offense and spread it, sharing with others what I should have covered. So I know I’m not coming at this from a position of perfection. But the Proverbs are not about us flaunting our own wisdom. The Proverbs are about us learning to live in a way that is wise, that honors God, and that works best in the real world. So may we learn from these verses to listen well and to avoid spreading strife on unimportant issues.
Pastor Travis Peterson 