Exponential 2014 – Finishing Well Together

** The following are my notes from a workshop session at Exponential 2014 **

 

Finishing Well Together

Brian and Amy Bloye

Wrote a book called It’s Personal which might be useful.

 

Out of all the leaders in the Bible, only one third finish well.

We want to finish well.

 

9 things we have learned along the way to finish well together.

 

1.      This journey must involve 3people: you, your spouse, and God.

 

The devil attacks this.

They have to pray together.

Need to share our spiritual journey together.

She needs to know what I am learning.

They read books together.

He includes her in the books they read together with their team.

We need to continue to encourage each other along the way.

We need to be each other’s cheerleader.

I cannot find my significance in her.

 

 

 

2.      Learn to create margin.

 

God often shows up in the margins of our lives.

We cannot leave things totally full.

We need time to relax and breathe.

Plan on your calendar to leave margin.

We have to put rest into our calendar.

 

3.      Cheat in the right places.

 

Provocative statement: Never cheat your family, cheat the ministry.

The point is not that you try to cheat the ministry, but that you are going to cheat something, not giving it 100% of yourself, and it is better that this be the ministry than your family.

God never promises to make up for misplaced priorities.

Focus on your family, and God will fill in the gaps in ministry.

Much of the work I did after 45 hours a week was done out of guilt, and it was not actually productive.

 

4.      Learn to say no.

 

Do what is important, not what is urgent.

Nobody can do it all.

The word no can be your best friend.

You cannot please everyone.

You can’t be great at everything.

Focus on what you are good at.

Turn off the voices that don’t matter.

If you can’t say no to people, hire someone who can.

Who are the voices that matter?

The voice of my wife matters.

The voices of my kids matter.

The voices of my elders matter.

Voices on Facebook do not matter in the same way.

Some seasons of ministry, you just have to take it on the chin.

God will straighten things out.

 

5.      Put some solid boundaries around your marriage.

He does not travel alone.

He does not meet alone with the opposite sex.

They must have a clear window or an open door in a meeting with the opposite sex.

He does not counsel the opposite sex.

He says he is not a great counselor anyway.

Let’s get people to the people they need to help them.

He does not go places alone with other women.

No riding in a car alone with another woman.

No lunches with a woman.

 

6.      Set healthy expectations for you and for your children.

 

It seems that we are always disappointing people.

Do we paint a picture that God is impossible to please.

They read One Way Love by Tullian Tchividjian.

Kids will catch expectations that we do not try to put on them.

Kids can feel the weight and pressure of ministry.

 

7.      Learn what fills your emotional tanks, and keep them full.

 

From the book Leading on Empty

What fills you up?

What drains you?

How can I help my wife fill her tank?

Do not be afraid of engaging a counselor.

 

8.      Focus on a few good friendships.

 

Naturally occurring friendships seem to work the best.

Forced friendships are strained.

Ask God for good friends.

 

9.      Create a healthy rhythm for doing life together.

 

Is Sunday night movie night?

Be strategic with your weekly schedule.

Do you take a walk with your wife on Monday mornings?

They shut their building down on Friday to help staff have a day off.

That saved thousands of dollars.

Divert daily.

Withdraw weekly

Escape quarterly

Abandon annually

He takes a month off every year.

That has been great for the family.

Make health a part of your lifestyle.

Stay in shape together.

 

What will it look like to finish well?

I want to be old, love God, love my spouse, love my kids, love people, and love ministry.